Meltdown @ Magic Kingdom

This past Sunday was one of ‘those’ days.  You know the ones I mean, the anniversary day circled in red on your calendar and around your heart.   October 2 marked eight years since Dave had died.  Yes, life has gone on, and we are doing well, but there is still something about ‘the day’ that makes me want to mark it in some way, both for me and for my girls.

A trip to Disney – his favorite spot- seemed a great way to remember as well as to escape daily life.  The plan was to write messages on a Mickey Balloon to release in front of Cinderella’s Castle (yes, this family of girls is all about the dramatic presentation!)

Then we got to the parking lot…and the meltdown began:

·         I realized that our season passes were still in the hotel room.  Drip. Drip.

·         Waiting to park, we watched a parade of happy families (with daddies still intact) walk by laughing.  Drip. Drip. 

·         So happy to be at the front of a parking line, just before our car, they started a new row…50 cars down .  Drip. Drip.

·         Add to this not enough sleep, sibling stress, and a momma who hadn’t taken time for quiet time in the morning rush.  Drip.  Drip.

As the sadness of the past collided with the frustration of the day, tears began to fall.  Misty memories quickly avalanched into a big ole ugly cry-fest.   It kind of took me surprise – I mean, it’s been eight years after all.  Still, there in the parking lot of the ‘happiest place on earth’, we sobbed for what was and what would never be.    But as you well know, you can only sob for so long!  As the sobs subsided to sniffs, we sat in our quiet car holding hands, whispered a prayer and decided to play the thankful game.

From the 16 year old…well, at least we’re not in the last parking spot!

From the 10 year old…we get to go to Disney today, Daddy would like that.

From me…well, at least it’s not raining, the sun is shining and our Florida weather has finally turned cool. 

Two hours later, we stood in front of the castle holding our balloon covered with messages scribbled in silver Sharpee.  And as a family we said a prayer and took a deep breath and released it all one more time...the sad…the memories…and the tears; then walked away in the sunshine to ride rides and eat ice cream and live.   

That’s the thing about grief, it’s there and it’s real.  This whole thing is a process that comes in layers, it’s not like we are ever ‘over’ it.    I believe God brings us to a place where we need to face some of those deep emotions.  He meets us there, holds us when we cry, then asks us to release it to Him.  Again. 

And then go out and live the life He has called us to live.

Here is Paul’s perspective:  ‘Yes, I will continue to choose to rejoice, for I know that through prayer and the help of Jesus, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.  I eagerly expect and hope that I will have sufficient courage and that now as always, He will be exalted in me’  Phil 1:19-20

How about you?  Have you found that your walk through the valley is not always a straight path but more a winding journey of facing and releasing?  How have you gotten through your ‘red’ calendar days?  

Happy New Year!

For some reason, to me the New Year always begins in the fall, instead of on January 1.  Maybe it’s all those years of ‘back to school’ newness.    Seems like a time for new beginnings…not to mention school supplies. It is ridiculous that everyone in my house gets so excited about shopping for school supplies!   The smell of a fresh box of crayolas always sends me back to Mrs Claussen’s 2^nd grade. 

These days..there are tears mixed in with the excitement of a new school year. 

Slow down, I want to holler. Stop growing up so fast. 

One daughter is looking for her keys as she gets ready to drive herself to high school. Gulp.  Another daughter  is telling me thanks, but no thanks, she can put her own hair in a pony tail and really doesn’t need my help.  Sigh.

One is nervous about a new high school, new friends and just hoping to find someone to sit with in the lunchroom.  The other is returning to a safe, familiar place, excited to see old friends and hug her gorgeous familiar teacher whom she says looks like a Barbie !

After the morning rush of hugs and lunchboxes and prayers and carpool, I return home.  It’s quiet for the first time in 12 weeks.  I am alone.  

Seems like time for some New Year’s resolutions…

In the interest of keeping it simple…here are my top ten for this school year:

1.  Be thank-full.  Yes.  Just simply thank-full.  For air conditioning and grace and flavored coffee creamer and goodnight hugs and raindrops and Jesus and phone calls and good friends and breathing and new flipflops.   For two girls and two dogs and one mama who God has molded into a little family, in spite of life.  Or maybe because of it!  Thank-full.
2. Listen more than I talk (I see you smiling.  Yes, this is hard for me!)  Listen to my girls and get beyond ‘fine’ when asking about the school day.  Wait for the rest of the story.  Listen to friends, really listen, don’t just hear them until time to tell my news or add something relatable. 
3. Pray.   Don’t just list my worries.  Concentrate on conversation. Take time to listen ( see, more listening!) .  Journal more consistently.  Be Still and Know Him.  Be. Still.  And.  Know.
4. Remember how far He has brought us.   Place some intentional stones of remembrance to remind myself of His faithfulness.  8 years since Dave died.  Moving 6000 miles.  Girls growing up. Life moving on.  Great is His faithfulness. 
5. Dream big.   What is the ‘next right thing’ for this new season of life?  Stop the roller coaster for a few minutes and take the time to find out.   Be intentional about the life’s next steps. 
6. Exercise.   Get outside no matter what the day looks like. Push myself beyond myself.  Set goals and then reach for them (Disney Princess Half-Marathon?? Oh my!).  Lay in the grass and look up at the sky.  Breathe!
7. Floss.  ‘Nuff said.  We all need to floss J
8. Send more cards.  Real cards with stamps and everything.  E-mails are great, but ,oh, the glory of reaching into the mailbox and finding a hand written note of encouragement.
9. Cook more.  There is something therapeutic about chopping and sautéing and presenting a new dish – ta da!  Ps.  Feel free to send recipes  J .  I am so not a kitchen genius.
10. Relax.   Breathe in His peace and savor all of those moments which will never come again.  Carpool sharing of secrets and Slurpee stops.   Late night teenage talks.  Road trip songfests w/ windows down and music blaring.  Live today and then go back to #1- Be thankful for whatever it holds.   

How about you?  Do any of these resonate with you?  Do you have any ‘New (school) Year’ resolutions to share?